It's a Frap!
by GemNika
Summary: So many things can happen in a coffee shop. Modern AU. Rated M for potential future chapters.
1. Don't Look Now

**A/N: For any of you that follow me on tumblr, you might have seen my post about what happened to me at Starbucks recently. This is a fanfiction adaptation of that. It may grow into something more. We'll see. Because, y'know… I** _ **totally**_ **need more fucking ongoing stories, right?**

 **Here's a little something for you all!**

* * *

"That'll be ten eighty-two, Bunny."

Lucy smiled kindly at the cashier, an old friend of hers from high school with wild black hair pulled into a ponytail and piercing red eyes, and handed him her debit card.

"Almost eleven fuckin' bucks for a drink and a piddly shit wannabe roll," Gajeel muttered. "You gotta be fuckin' high."

She was already lost in thought concerning the story that had popped into her head while she'd made her way to the coffee shop, more than ready to get to work on researching everything she needed to make the scene as accurate as possible. Her laptop was fully charged, sitting in her bag and just waiting to be opened so she could get to work.

"Bunny!"

She jolted and let out a sheepish laugh, then took her card back. "Thanks, Gaj."

"Did you want your croissant heated up?" he asked again.

"No, thanks. I like it cold." She watched as he nodded and grabbed a croissant, then gave him another smile once he handed it over. Without another word, knowing it would take a few minutes for her drink to get made, she walked over to her table and took a seat. She came in often enough that the corner table might as well have a 'Reserved' sign on it. Everyone knew not to sit there, lest they face the ever-intimidating staff members of the little coffee shop that had all but adopted her into their family.

It took less than a minute for her to get situated, and Lucy instantly got to work. Her story was going to be amazing, she was sure. Still, she had never written a love story that involved BDSM. She knew a little bit about the community as a whole, just small things she had picked up from reading others' stories, and the definite no-no's that encompassed an entire famous trilogy - one that she was slightly ashamed to have read in its entirety - but there was still more that she needed to know.

Why were people interested in it? Was it a compulsion? A psychological defect of some sort that pushed individuals to enjoy pain? She had her own thoughts on the matter, but she wanted to get inside the heads of people who actually participated in bondage, sexual masochism, and the like.

Before she knew it, Lucy had several tabs of articles open and waiting to be read. Along with one online shop that sold all sorts of gear for a sadist's, or Dom's, dungeon. Or play room. Or… Well, whatever they wanted to call it.

"Venti quad caramel frap, triple caramel, extra drizzle. Bunny... Girl?" came a foreign male voice, the confusion of the name written on the cup evident in his hesitation.

Lucy rolled her eyes and smiled while getting up from her seat. Leave it to Gajeel to put his little nickname for her on her cup. Then again, everyone else did the same thing. _Cosplayer_ when Bickslow was working. _Alice_ or _Tinkerbell_ during Erik's occasional shift at night. _Luigi_ when Natsu was working the register. The men in the coffee shop loved giving her different names, and considering just how odd they were from time to time there was no doubt about just whose order it was.

"Hey, Cosplayer's here!" Bickslow grinned as Lucy made her way over to the counter.

"Hey, Bix," Lucy laughed. She turned to look at the blond man holding her cup then pursed her lips in thought. His hair fell over one of his goldenrod eyes as they locked with hers. Handsome didn't even begin to describe him. Hell, she was sure that one of the requirements to get a job at her favorite coffee shop was something along the lines of _'applicants must be fucking delicious'_. Really, she wouldn't put it past the perverse older woman that owned the place to actually do it. "You're new."

Bickslow grinned and threw an arm around the blond man's shoulders. "Yep. First day. This is Jackal."

Lucy's head tilted to one side then the other, and a smile curved her lips. "It suits you." When he didn't say anything, her brow furrowed in concern. Until she saw that he wasn't looking at her, but at something that was just over her left shoulder. Dread settled in the pit of her stomach, and she turned to see that he was, in fact, staring at the screen of her computer.

She hadn't really put too much thought into what she was searching while she was in a very public place, and hadn't even paid attention to the fact that she'd had a page open with a picture of a man wearing only a thong, strapped down to a Saint Andrew's Cross. Really, Lucy had been far too focused on what she was learning. Even though the site sold the different tools of the trade, it was also informational. There were little tips and tricks sections, and comments from customers that had suggestions for beginners - ways for people to work up to a specific item, instead of just jumping right into the thick of it.

She tried to regain her composure before turning back to look at Jackal. Their eyes met again, his gleaming gold and her gentle brown, and they stared at one another in silence.

Jackal let out an uncomfortable laugh, his cheeks flaming brilliantly as he stole a quick glance toward the blonde woman's computer again.

Lucy well and truly cracked right the hell up when she caught the coffee shop's newest employee staring at her computer. Of course, as soon as she started laughing, he jumped and nearly dropped her cup. Lucy reached forward and steadied it, her fingers brushing lightly over his.

Jackal blinked and shook his head when the crazed blonde woman started walking back toward her table, still laughing just as loudly as before - and trying to splutter out a 'thank you' - and nearly stumbling several times while she doubled over. He wasn't exactly sure what was so damn funny about some dude being strung up on some crazy torture device, but he resolved to never have to deal with her again. "Okay…?"

Bickslow laughed and shook his head, grabbing the whipped cream and swirling a perfect top to another customer's drink, then sprinkling cinnamon over it. "C'mon, man. Back to work."

"R-Right," Jackal muttered. He glanced over the the blonde woman for another moment, his eyes narrowing as he watched her switch to a tab with huge blocks of text, an article of some sort.

"You eyeing Bunny?" Gajeel growled.

"Huh?"

"Shit, man. Cosplayer's off-limits," Bickslow sighed.

"Who?" Jackal gulped when he saw Gajeel, a man that he really didn't feel like pissing off - at least, not if he planned on leaving with no broken bones - slowly turning to glare at him. "What did I do?"

"Cobra," Gajeel called out, catching a glimpse of the maroon-haired man peeking his head out from the back. "Someone's lookin' at Bunny."

"What?" Cobra sneered. "Who's got a fucking deathwish."

"Huh?" Jackal whimpered. "I-I wasn't doing anything!" He gulped when the one-eyed manager strode out, clicking his ball-point pen in agitation. They were the same height, but he felt as though he was only a foot tall.

"I'll say this once," Cobra hissed, leaning so close to the new employee that he could smell the minty scent that was leftover from him brushing his teeth. "You keep Alice far the fuck away from that perverted little shitstorm you call a brain. If I even so much as see you _look_ at her the wrong way, I'll-"

"Erik," Lucy said with a scowl, setting her still-full cup on the counter. "Don't you dare finish that sentence."

He let out a heavy sigh through his nose, his jaw instantly snapping shut, and Jackal blinked in confusion. "What the…"

"Shit," Gajeel sighed, shaking his head while punching in the next customer's order. "Yer fucked, man."

"I know," Cobra grumbled. "Look, Tink. It's not what you think, alright? I was just-"

"You were just going to scare the everloving shit out of Jackal, because he was staring at my computer, trying to figure out why the hell I was looking at bondage."

"Why the shit are you looking at bondage?" Bickslow cackled.

With a straight face, Lucy said, "I'm a writer, Bix. I need to know about these things. Verisimilitude."

"Right," Bickslow drawled. "So, uh… What's up?"

"Oh," Lucy smiled, turning her attention back to the new employee. "This is missing a shot of espresso."

"What?" Jackal asked. "How can you tell?"

Lucy grinned. "I know the difference between three shots and four."

"Speaking of which… Are you trying to get yourself killed or something?"

She quirked a brow at that, laughing softly. "No. I like caffeine, and I like caramel." She lifted the cup from the counter and held it out to him. "Here, have a sip."

"Uh, no."

"Yes."

"I'm good."

"Just do it, man," Bickslow laughed. "Shit, Cobra I need more lids. And milk."

Jackal sighed and leaned forward, wrapping his lips around the straw. He was able to taste her strawberry lip gloss, and was wholly thankful that she seemed to be one of the few women on earth that realized it didn't need to be caked on in the first place. He drew back once he pulled some of the drink through the straw, nearly gagging at first. "What the…" He paused, his brow furrowing in confusion as the sudden sweetness of the drink hit him like a ton of bricks. "... Fuck?"

"Too sweet," Lucy nodded. "Could you make it with four shots instead of three? I'll give you another sip."

Jackal nodded absently, making his way to start mixing everything together next to Bickslow. He could feel Bickslow's eyes on him, making sure he did it right, but that didn't really matter. He really wanted to make this right for the blonde. And he was curious as hell to figure out how she'd managed to get the scary-as-fucking-hell manager to stop ripping into him.

"She's a total looney toon," Bickslow chuckled softly. "Add another two shots. She says four, but she really means six."

"Wh-What?" Jackal whispered. "Seriously?"

Bickslow nodded, then glanced over to Cobra and Lucy, a soft smile on his lips. "Yep. I don't get it either, but… That's Lucy for you."

"Lucy?" Jackal frowned, closing the lid on the blender and turning to look at the blonde. So far, she'd been called three different things by three different people. Still, it was weird as hell to see how well these guys seemed to know her. He watched as she gently grasped the manager's hand, a sweet smile on her face as he threw away the straw and replaced it with a new one. Cobra took a sip of it, and Jackal did a doubletake when he saw the guy actually fucking smile.

"Weird, huh?" Gajeel laughed, nudging the blond's side. "Bunny's got that effect on people. You'll see."

Jackal nodded and cupped the drink, making sure to put just a little more caramel than the quoted 'triple' the blonde wanted. "Here you go," he said quietly, trying to make sure he didn't interrupt her conversation with his manager.

Lucy grinned and took a sip of her new drink, then squealed. Loudly. "It's perfect! Here, try!"

Jackal shook his head, then choked when she all but raped his throat with the straw. He pulled back slightly, then took a sip, and he blinked in surprise. "Wow, that's pretty good…"

Lucy nodded and took a long sip, smiling around her straw. "I knew you could do it, Jackal. Thanks."

He nodded and got ready to turn around to keep working - because the last thing he needed to do was piss off the others that were working with him - then paused. His gaze locked onto Lucy's computer screen and his jaw dropped open in shock. Half of her screen was covered in a vast array of metal dildoes, ranging in size, texture, and god only knows what else. The other half of the screen showed just a single picture. Ben Stiller's face was pulled into a satirically saucy pout, with wide innocent eyes. Blue Steel.

Lucy smirked when Jackal's gaze shifted to hers again. They stared at one another, sharing a meaningful look. Then she winked.

Cobra, Bickslow, and Gajeel jumped when Jackal and Lucy started laughing in unison. Hysterically.

"You're a sick, twisted demon," Jackal chortled. "I think we're gonna get along great."

Lucy blushed, ignoring the way her three self-proclaimed brothers glared at the blond man. She reached across the counter, holding out her hand to him. "My name's Lucy."

"Jackal," he replied, taking her hand gently in his.

"I'll try to keep the raunchy porn to a minimum."

"Thank god. I think I might blow something up if I look over and see more of that insanity."

Lucy giggled and shook her head, letting her hand slide from his and marvelling at the light callouses on the pads of his fingers. "S-So, I'll um… I'll get back to it then."

"Yep."

Cobra glared at Jackal for another moment, then leaned across the counter and kissed Lucy on the cheek. "Be a good girl, Alice," he whispered.

"Uh-huh."

"I'm serious."

"Me too…" Lucy blinked and looked back at Cobra once Jackal was dragged out of the back door by Gajeel and Bickslow. "What are we being serious about?"

Cobra shook his head and smirked. "Nothing, baby sis. Go write your skanky porn shit."

Lucy smiled sweetly. "You got it, Coby-butt." She gave him a cheeky grin and jumped back when he moved to flick her in the forehead. "Porn time!"

Cobra smirked and shook his head, turning to face the cash register. His face fell when he saw the line of people that were waiting rather impatiently for someone to take and make their orders. "What?" he growled.

"I'd like-"

"Black coffee. You got it."

"No," the woman huffed. "I-"

"Room for cream? Sure," Cobra nodded, pushing the buttons quickly.

"No!"

"Large, right. Two-fifty." Cobra fought to suppress his smirk when the elderly woman huffed and slammed her money down on the counter. Exact change. "Wait over there. I'll make it whenever."

"Asshole," she muttered.

"Fuckin' right, I am," he chuckled to himself. "Asshole that's making your fucking coffee." He looked up to see a hulking blonde man with a lightning-shaped scar over his eye. "Vanilla chai frap, four pumps, double, venti."

"Yep. Good memory," Laxus smirked.

Cobra shook his head with a smirk of his own. One that turned decidedly more devious once he heard the three employees that were supposed to be running things, while he made rubber band balls and paperclip trebuchets in the office, come back inside. "Looks like the new guy's got eyes on Tink."

Laxus' eyes narrowed. "What?"

"Yep. She blushed. I think I heard a stutter. But she could have just been drowning midgets with her cooch juice."

Laxus discreetly turned to look at Lucy, watching as she glanced past him with a coy smile before looking at her computer again. He turned the other way to find the one that was drawing her attention, nibbling his lip in concentration while crushing coffee beans, clearly listening to Bickslow's instructions on how to do it properly. "Fuckin' Christ… Here we go…"

Cobra chuckled. "You gonna put some reins on her? She's _actually_ your sister."

"And have her beat me with a textbook again?" Laxus shuddered, mindlessly rubbing at the now-healed rib. "Hell no."

Cobra sighed and shook his head. "Worth a shot… Gimme a minute. I'll make your shit and we'll sit in the office."

"What about my coffee?" the elderly woman asked angrily as Cobra moved to start working on Laxus' drink.

He paused and glared at her ancient face. "You're right. My apologies," he spat. He turned and poured some coffee into a cup, then set it on the counter. "There you go. En-fucking-joy, you shitty old bat."

"What about my cream?"

"You want some fucking cream?" Cobra grinned.

Laxus grabbed the cup and leaned over the counter, pouring some in the sink. He handed it to the woman and pointed to a small table off to one side. "Cream is over there. Sugar, too."

"I want to speak to the manager."

"He _is_ the manager," Jackal, Gajeel, Bickslow, and Laxus said in unison. The woman blanched and scurried over to fix her drink properly.

Lucy smiled at the men while they went about working, then focused back on the text in front of her. She couldn't help but look over every once in awhile to see what Jackal was doing, and always found his eyes drifting over to lock with hers. The rest of her day was spent at the small coffee shop, a light flush on her cheeks that had absolutely nothing to do with the series of provocative images on her computer screen.

* * *

 **And there it is. Obviously, this went way off course of what actually happened, because there was no romance whatsoever in my own experience at the coffee shop. But, still… Also, I've decided that this will be yet another little ongoing story of mine. Mainly for when I want to write some humor. In a coffee shop. Obviously it'll be JackaLu, with CoLu, BixLu, GaLu, and LaLu BrOTPs. I can't help myself, apparently. It won't really be in my "normal" story rotation - then again, I don't think I even have one at this point - but yeah. Whenever I feel like writing some humor, this will get updated.**

 **For anyone that didn't see the original post, which contains the original story, here it is:**

 _You know what's awkward?_

 _Sitting in Starbucks and looking up BDSM gear. Then leaving the table to go and get your drink when it's called, and seeing the cute guy behind the counter looking right at your fucking computer screen… while you have a picture pulled up of a dude strung up on a Saint Andrew's Cross… In a thong. You look at the computer, then at his face. Your eyes meet meaningfully. He laughs awkwardly. You crack the fuck up when you see him glance back at your computer. He blanches and hands you the drink. Your fingers touch briefly. You're still laughing, and barely manage to thank him for the drink while walking back to your seat. Take a sip of your drink, and realize it's wrong - there's no caramel, and he's in training, so he's bound to make mistakes (and that's okay, we all understand) - so you go back to the counter after a minute. The next time he calls your name, an array of metal dildoes is on one half of the screen while a picture of Zoolander's 'Blue Steel' is on the other. Another meaningful look is shared between you, and this time he laughs hysterically._

 _I have never, in my entire life laughed so fucking hard. I'm pretty sure Starbucks guy thinks I'm insane, but I lucked out by saying "I'm a writer." Now, if only I wasn't married… Okay, and I'd have to be into 20-year-olds. Still, a bitch can dream, goddamnit!_

 **So! Review, Follow, Favorite! I love you, guys!**

 **~~GemNika**


	2. Be My Valentine

**A/N: As I said before, I'll be updating this whenever the mood strikes me for some humor. Also, these chapters are in no particular order. They all fall within the same universe, but that's really it. It'll jump around in the timeline, so I'll try to make sure it's clear when it's happening.**

 **Just to make things easier, this is the year before Jackal and Lucy meet.**

 **I was going to wait and post this _on_ Valentine's Day, but... I can't sit on it anymore! Even though I literally just finished writing it... Still! I want you to have this!**

 **Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!**

* * *

One of the many horrible things about the coffee shop, in Erik's opinion, was the need for it to be open on Valentine's Day. He secretly loved the holiday, just not the hearts and flowers and the shitty little lovebirds that couldn't understand how fucking stupid it was to get coffee together as their date. It meant he had to work, or… Well, he had to be there to keep things running smoothly, because the old bat that actually owned the place refused to show up when she had a date.

That, in and of itself, killed him inside. Almost as much as watching Lucy getting all googly-eyed when she saw that Sting was working over the last three months. He didn't like it one bit, considering the blonde had the worst fucking luck with men. They either ended up being gay, they hit her - which had resulted in the four men at the shop that took her in as their sister, plus her actual brother, breaking quite of few of the piss-ants' bones - they cheated, or they just weren't a good fit. Like Gajeel. Those two had dated for a total of three days before realizing it was weird as hell, and they were better as friends.

So, when it became glaringly obvious that Lucy wasn't merely experiencing a little crush on the newest employee, Erik had resigned himself to killing the fucker if he ever hurt her. But now, it was Valentine's Day. Sting was off work, having requested the day off a month in advance, and Lucy was moping in the corner of the shop. Bickslow had been putting a little bug in her ear about how maybe Sting wanted to do something special, and damn him for that. It hurt to see her looking so damn sad as she sipped at her way too strong frap, typing on her laptop.

Three hours in, he couldn't stand it any longer. All the guys knew that Lucy wanted space when she was upset, but they still each went over at some point - Natsu, Bickslow, and Gajeel, that is - to see if she needed anything. Now, it was Erik's turn. He went from grabbing more lids from the back room to moving on a direct path to the blonde when he picked up a nearly silent sniffle from her table. No way was he going to let her cry. Over his dead fucking body, if he could help it.

"Hey," Erik whispered as he settled himself in a chair next to the blonde. "Don't fall too far down the rabbit hole, Alice."

Lucy gave him a weak smile, resting her head on his shoulder. She let out a sigh as his arm wound around her and pulled her just a little closer. "No rabbit holes tonight."

"Working on your book?"

"Yeah…"

Erik frowned as he glanced at the text on the screen. He quickly skimmed it, already knowing that he was the only one that got away with it to begin with. "Wait, they're breaking up? What happened?"

Lucy sighed again. "I don't know. I'm thinking of scrapping it…"

"You're seven chapters in, Alice. Just… Try another angle."

"What's the point?" she grumbled. "It was a stupid idea to begin with. I'm not even into that stuff, so how could I possibly write something that's realistic about it?"

"Research," he whispered. "Asking around. Talking to people that do it. More research. You know that."

"It's hopeless."

"Why did they break up?"

"They grew apart. Anton found out that Mitch had another sub, and got upset. Now, they're… Well, they're splitting up for good."

"What brought this on?" Erik asked carefully. He knew the plot of the story, and this wasn't part of it. The two male characters were supposed to have some sort of drama that nearly tore them apart, but they would get through it. "And before you say 'nothing', remember… I can hear your soul."

Lucy smirked and shook her head. "No, you can't."

"No," he chuckled. "But I know when you're keeping secrets. So tell Big Brother Coby who needs a good kick in the fucking mouth."

"That's just it," she sighed. "There's no one… I'm always alone on Valentine's Day… I just… I thought maybe…"

"You thought Sting would ask you out?"

She nodded and cuddled closer to him, although there really wasn't much more she could do without their bodies just merging together. "Maybe he's not into me… And, you did warn me. It was stupid to get my hopes up…"

"It wasn't stupid," he sighed. "Bix is just a dick for putting that shit in your head. I could poison him…"

"Erik…"

"Not Sting. Bix."

Lucy giggled at that. "If he dies then you have to hire someone. I know you hate hiring people."

"So I won't kill him," Erik grinned. "I'll just make him incredibly ill."

"How?"

"By taking my jizz and flash freezing individual drops of it so it looks like caviar. Then mixing it into those puppy shit things he likes to eat all the time."

"Hush puppies?" Lucy smiled, rolling her eyes and looking up into his single indigo eye.

He swiped his thumb across her cheek when he saw that a couple tears had trickled down. "Right," he whispered. "Force feed him semen puppies. And tell him just what he's eating. How does that sound?"

A bright peal of laughter filled the air, making each of the employees pause in what they were doing to smile over at the blonde. It wasn't strange for any of them to see her wrapped in Erik's arms, or how he would smile at her. The other customers, at least the regulars, were used to it as well. Everyone else actually stopped what they were doing as they watched the overly grumpy manager grin with an alarming amount of tenderness in his single eye as his forehead pressed to the blonde's.

"Thanks, Coby," Lucy whispered. "I needed that."

"Any time, Tinkerbell." He glanced at the screen again. "Take what you wrote and put it to the side. Might work for something else."

She nodded, but didn't move. It was far too comforting being in her big brother's arms. "Well, I'm dateless, as always, but why are you here? Don't you and Laxus have plans?"

He pouted, though he would never admit it, and looked away. "We broke up… Again."

Lucy well and truly scowled at that. Her older brother was a total sweetheart, except when it came to his affections for Erik. He had a hard time accepting that the maroon-haired man was the one for him, which left Erik waiting in the wings for the blond to come around. Over and over again. "I love him, but he's an idiot."

"It's fine," Erik sighed, giving her a tight smile. "Just means I get to be here with you, right?"

She couldn't help but sigh at the saddened look in his eye. Erik might have only had the one, but it didn't hinder him from letting the ones he cared about see just how he felt. He had spent all of high school pining over Laxus. Then all through Laxus' college career - that lasted a total of two years before he quit - and then they finally hooked up at a party. Back and forth, they were on and off for a total of a year by then. One month, they were fine, and then not. And every time, Lucy would end up being the one that talked to Laxus and found out he was just freaked out. "He loves you," she whispered, pulling his head to her shoulder. "You know that, right?"

"Sure as hell doesn't feel like it," he sighed with a shake of his head. "I love him too, but I can't keep doing this shit."

"Then don't take him back." When Erik pulled back sharply, she shook her head. "Show my mule of a brother that it can't keep going like this. I don't care how sexy of a couple you two are. He's hurting you, and he won't stop until you do to him what you do to everyone else."

"Do what?" he asked helplessly.

Lucy gave him a devilish grin, one that was very reminiscent of another Laxus' - considering he was the one she'd picked it up from. "Rub his face in the mistake he made. Make him feel like total shit for it. Unless Laxus realizes that you're not just gonna wait around for him forever, he'll keep it up, because he thinks you're okay with it. Even though I've told him enough times that it's fucked up."

"But…"

"Nope. None of that." Lucy brushed her nose back and forth over his, giggling as he blushed. "I want you to treat my brother like total shit, and he can see how he's made you feel for years."

"He'll give up, Bright Eyes," Erik sighed in resignation. "I'll lose him for good."

"Then so be it. If he doesn't come crawling back in a month, _I'll_ go out with you."

"I'm gay," he laughed. "You're beautiful, but you just don't do it for me."

Lucy shrugged and kissed his nose. "But you love me all the same, and we can cuddle all you want." It was no secret to her that Erik was a cuddler. Every time this happened, he would end up at her house, cuddled up with her on the couch - and then in bed when they went to sleep after binge-watching horror movies. "You'll be the best boyfriend I've ever had."

"That's pretty fuckin' pathetic. But, I've seen the dumbasses you go for," Erik chuckled quietly, then finally nodded. "Fine. Let's give him two months though. Your brother is a bit of a fucking dumbass sometimes."

"It's a deal." With a devious grin, Lucy leaned forward and pressed her lips to his. It took everything in her not to laugh when he went rigid, but that only lasted a moment before he was hesitantly kissing her back. It was weird, to say the least, and only lasted for a few seconds, but that was enough. "You're adorable when you're blushing," she giggled.

"Shut it," he muttered. "You threw me off."

Lucy shrugged and looked over his shoulder with a sly grin. "Hey, Laxus."

"What…" Erik slowly turned, his eye wide as he took in the shocked expression on his former boyfriend's face. "L-Laxus…" The sight of the muscular blond wearing dark slacks and the deep red shirt he loved to see had his breath coming to a crashing halt. Just like it always did when he saw the man. "It's not what-"

"Wow. Just… Wow." Laxus scowled and looked from Erik to his sister, his eyes narrowing when she simply grinned. "Less than a fucking day, and this shit? My fucking _sister_?"

"I…"

Lucy's brow pushed together. "You broke up with him this morning?" When Laxus looked away, crossing his arms over his chest, she shook her head. "You don't deserve him, Laxus. Breaking up on fucking Valentine's Day? Seriously?"

"I didn't realize what day it was," he muttered. A sneer curled his lip. "Even still. Erik, you're always talking about how I'm the only one, so what the fuck?"

"I-I…" Erik was frozen. The one time he needed to get his head out of his ass and just talk it out with the man, he couldn't. If it was anyone else, he would have been able to tear them a new one in seconds. But this was Laxus.

"What should it matter to _you_?" Lucy spat. "You left him. Again. On the one day you're supposed to show him you really care. So, guess what? _I'm_ gonna show him what it's like for someone to really love him and not just pretend so they can get their rocks off whenever the mood strikes."

Erik's eye was wide when he was forcefully turned in place and Lucy's lips were on his again. There was zero in the way of attraction where she was concerned. He just wasn't into women, and he'd known that for a while. Still, it didn't take a genius to see what Lucy was doing. Rubbing in Laxus' face just what he'd let go.

Lucy shifted when Erik's hand trailed up the column of her throat and his fingers sifted through her hair, pulling her closer as he licked at her lips. Her lips parted, and a sharp inhale followed as his tongue darted into her mouth, and she could honestly say her brother was a fucking idiot. Erik could _kiss_ , goddamnit. There might not have been sparks and fireworks and a flood between her legs, but she could definitely appreciate the fact that he knew what the hell he was doing.

Erik's ears twitched slightly when he heard the door to the shop slamming closed, and he pulled back with a small nip to Lucy's swollen lips as their eyes opened. "He's gone… Right?"

She looked around, noticing how Bickslow was pouring hot coffee on the floor and completely missing the cup in his other hand, how Gajeel was holding someone's credit card poised above the machine, and how Natsu was holding the trash bag halfway out with old coffee leaking onto his shirt while all three stared at the two of them, mouths gaping. After another quick glance, she shook her head in anger. "He's gone."

Erik let out a heavy sigh and pulled the blonde into a tight hug. "I sure as hell hope you know what you're doing," he whispered into her hair.

"I do. He'll be pissed for a week or so, then he'll get all broody and blow up my phone to bitch at me. It'll all work out though, you'll see."

"If not," Erik smirked. "I get to date you."

"Yep," she laughed. "Speaking of which, where the hell did you learn how to kiss like that?"

"... The internet."

"Oh my god…"

"Shut up, Alice."

"If you weren't like a brother to me, I would have ripped off my clothes."

"If you had a dick, I probably would have done the same thing," he chuckled. He squeezed her lightly, then pulled back and grinned darkly. "Get back to work, you fucking idiots!"

There was a collective ' _Eep!_ ' that came from the three other employees, and Lucy found herself laughing. "Adorable. You should get back to work, too."

Erik shrugged and pulled away to stand. "Probably. You staying until close again?"

Lucy nodded. "Nothing better to do."

"Movies at your place?" he asked a little more softly.

Lucy looked up at his face, seeing the sadness she knew he was trying to hide flash across it for the briefest of moments. "It's a date," she said with a tender smile.

Erik huffed and rolled his eye, then leaned down and kissed her cheek the same way he always did. "Happy Valentine's Day, beautiful."

Lucy blushed. "Happy Valentine's Day, handsome. Have Bix get me another coffee? I'm almost done." She watched as he nodded and made his way back behind the counter. The strange looks she was getting from a few of the other patrons really didn't faze her, and she simply turned back to her laptop to copy the utter shit that was her depressed writing into a separate document for later. Maybe it would really come in handy.

After a couple minutes, Lucy looked up when a fresh cup was set down on the table next to her empty one. "Hey, Bix."

Bickslow shook his head and sat down where Erik had been, then just stared at the blonde for a solid minute while she turned back to her work. "What the hell, Cosplayer?"

"You mean Laxus?"

"Well, more like you making out with Cobra, but yeah. What the fuck?"

"They broke up again," Lucy sighed. She frowned and closed her laptop after saving everything, then took a sip of her drink as she turned to the blue-and-black-haired man. "We're teaching my brother a lesson."

"By breaking his damn heart?" Bickslow leaned forward and wrapped his lips around her straw, pulling a good bit of the overly sweet coffee into his mouth. "You guys didn't see him, since you were too busy sucking face… He's… I've never seen Laxus like that."

"Bix, I get that you're his best friend," she sighed heavily. "But he needs to just sac up and admit that he wants to be with Erik, instead of just dragging him along. It's not right."

"And how does you making out with the guy fix any of that shit?"

"Because-"

"Lucy, I called him this morning after Cobra came into work nearly in fucking tears. It's pretty easy to tell when they're having issues. Laxus told me he was gonna fix it, since he didn't even realize what day it was when he called it off."

"That's really not the point," Lucy scowled. "He does this all the time, and it's high time he realized that it's messed up. All he's doing is hurting Erik more and more. How long do you think it'll be before he starts resenting Laxus?"

"I don't know."

"Exactly. There's only so much of that shit someone can take." She paused and watched as Erik slapped Natsu in the back of the head with a clipboard, then smiled softly. "I'm just trying to help them."

"Looked like something completely different," Bickslow muttered.

"That's what it was supposed to look like. Trust me, Erik doesn't do a thing for me. He's as much a brother as you, Natsu, Gajeel, and Laxus are."

"That's incest," Bickslow laughed. "You know that, right?"

"Tamashi, I will beat you to death with a fucking blender if you don't quit your goddamn Chatty Cathy shit!" Erik bellowed, throwing a roll of paper towels directly at the man and grinning when he yelped. "Back to work! This floor is stickier than a hooker's cunt at dawn!"

Bickslow shuddered and quickly kissed Lucy's cheek before rushing off, all while she cracked up and dropped her head to the table. "Oh my god!" she cackled. "Erik, that's vile!"

* * *

 **And there's my little Valentine's Day doodly. I know, not what you guys were expecting in the slightest. Sorry that there wasn't any Jackal in this chapter, but I got this idea and just went with it. And yes, this chapter has a purpose. The events surrounding it will be brought up later. I might even do one that has the result of Lucy's little plan concerning LaxCo.**

 **OH! And the 'semen puppies' was actually inspired by my brother-in-law coming to visit. Needless to say, the day we tried ordering through a drive-thru was utterly hilarious. As was the ride back to the house, discussing just how these jizzy hush puppies would be constructed. I nearly crashed the car, I was laughing so hard. I never said my family was normal lol.**

 **So! Review, Follow, Favorite! I love you, guys!**

 **~~GemNika**


	3. Bite Me

**A/N: Hey everyone, there seems to have been some confusion on the previous chapter of this story. Please remember I said it was going to jump around in the timeline, which means that not everything is going to get posted in chronological order. The last chapter, as posted in the note at the top of it, was a year** _ **before**_ **Jackal came to work at the coffee shop. So, no. It wasn't a mistake that I put Sting. I meant Sting for last chapter.**

 **This chapter is a continuation of the last. It's still before Jackal has come to work at the coffee shop.**

* * *

Two months came and went, and Laxus still hadn't come around to mend things between himself and Erik. As part of their agreement, Lucy and Erik started dating. After giving the hulking blond another week and a half to come to his senses, Erik showed up at her apartment, quietly went inside once she answered the door, and told her it was time. That was it. There were no extravagant declarations of love, aside from him saying that she was a great sister and he did love her, and no overly romantic gestures. Lucy really didn't mind that either. That wasn't who Erik was, even concerning Laxus. He was quiet and subtle about his feelings - at least, when they were positive ones.

As it turned out, she was hopelessly single anyway when the time came for them to start dating. Sting, as she'd found out from Gajeel, was in a very committed relationship. With Gajeel's younger brother, Rogue. Why no one had thought to tell her was beyond her comprehension, but it had resulted in Bickslow beating up Gajeel for not giving him vital information, Cobra beating up Bickslow for putting the idea in her head to begin with, and Sting quitting the coffee shop when he decided to actually use his scholarship money to go to college.

Another five months passed, and Lucy and Erik came to realize that - even though they weren't physically attracted to one another - they worked well as a couple. Sort of. They were just doing the same things they always did, spending time with one another, watching marathons and binging on too much food, going out for drinks with their friends, except they were simply categorized as a couple instead of 'siblings'. Occasionally, they would even kiss. That was mainly Lucy's doing, because she thought it was hilarious to see how red Erik's face would get when she randomly kissed him. Even though he reciprocated, she knew Erik didn't feel a damn thing for her below the belt. And that was absolutely fine by her.

It was on their six month anniversary, with Lucy curled up against Erik's side while they watched a horror marathon, that she got a phone call from her brother. Laxus had been distant ever since things ended between himself and Erik. Brooding, even. He didn't come by the coffee shop, and he didn't call Lucy or anyone else. The only person that still talked to him, because the guy was persistent and refused to let his best friend sulk with no outlet to get things off his chest, was Bickslow. But he never told anyone what was going on with Laxus, aside from the same 'He's alright' and 'Laxus is just busy'.

That night, though, Lucy's smile over her brother finally calling her faded as soon as she put the phone to her ear. "Hey, La-"

"Lu… Lucy," Laxus giggled. "Whatcha doin'?"

"Laxus, are you drunk?" It was no secret that when Laxus got drunk, he was a giddy little thing. Giggling, blushing, the works. And he was overly affectionate. The fact that he didn't want people to know he was gay went by the wayside once he had some alcohol in his system, and that was actually how the rest of their friends had found out that he and Erik were together in the first place.

"Well, yeah!"

Lucy sighed and put her brother on speaker while Erik paused the movie they were watching, his brow furrowed in concern. "What's up?"

"I asked what you're doin'," Laxus laughed. "Are you and Erik having fun?"

"We're just watching movies, like we always do on Wednesday night."

Laxus let out a long sigh as his laughter trailed off. "Well, I hope you guys enjoy it. And that you can make him happier than I can. Sure seems like it, since Bix told me… You've been dating for forever."

"Laxus," Lucy sighed, her eyes widening when the line suddenly cut off. "Laxus?!"

Erik shook his head and jumped to his feet, dragging the blonde with him. "C'mon, Tinkerbell. I know where he's at." He didn't waste any time trying to change out of his pajamas, or letting Lucy change out of her own. Their shoes were on and they were rushing out of her apartment and down the street. Down to the coffee shop.

"Laxus Dreyar, get your ass down here!" Erik shouted once they had rounded to the back of the building.

"Coby Woby!" Laxus giggled as his head peeked over the edge of the roof. "You came!"

"You're afraid of heights, jackass! Get down here before you get your ass hurt!"

"No! I'm not doin' it!"

Lucy bit her lips when Erik rolled his eye and started climbing the ladder that led to the roof. "Aren't you afraid of heights worse than him?" she asked while following him up.

"N-Not the fucking point," he ground out. "You know why I'm doing this."

"Well, if you fall, you can use my body as a shield," Lucy laughed.

"Not helping, goddamnit…"

* * *

Laxus woke up the next morning with a killer headache, lying on a couch. One eye cracked open, and he groaned once he saw his surroundings. Lucy's apartment. All he could hope was that he didn't make a complete fool out of himself the night before. He was never letting Bickslow take his ass out to drink again.

With another groan, the blond slowly got up from the couch and quietly stumbled through the familiar living room and into the bathroom. He paused as he caught a glimpse of movement out of the corner of his eye, coming from Lucy's bedroom. Once his head turned, Laxus found a more than familiar burning in his chest at the sight that greeted him.

The deeply tanned skin of his ex-boyfriend was the first thing Laxus noticed, watching as the shirtless man he'd missed more than anything over the last eight months leaned over the bed and tenderly kissed Lucy's forehead. It was obvious that Erik had slept with her the night before, and Laxus couldn't watch that shit. He couldn't be around the two of them while they were all lovey-dovey with each other. Lucy was affectionate, more than making up for his own inability to let others in. She was the kind of person Erik really deserved to be with.

Erik frowned when he heard the door to the bathroom quietly closing. That meant Laxus was awake. Hopefully, they could talk things out though. He loved Lucy, but she just wasn't the one he wanted. She was never going to be anything more than a sister to him.

Once the coffee was brewing, something that Lucy usually did when he was over because she said that he shouldn't have to feel like he was at work while he was at her house, Erik settled himself on the couch and waited for Laxus to come back out of the bathroom. They hadn't had a chance to talk the night before. Laxus was too drunk to remember any of it, so Erik hadn't even made the effort once they were on solid ground again. Besides, he didn't want a drunken love confession - although, he'd gotten several of them during the walk back to Lucy's apartment. He wanted to really talk the shit out, and sort through everything when Laxus was in his right mind.

Laxus walked to the living room, a quiet sigh leaving him once his eyes locked with Erik's. He knew that look. It meant Erik wanted to talk. And really, even though he didn't want to, Laxus was in no shape to just leave. The sun outside was way too bright to deal with.

Once the blond was seated on the far end of the couch, Erik let out a slow breath to shore up his resolve. He and Lucy had talked about this a lot over the past few months, and he had agreed that Laxus should be the one to come crawling back to him. Except, the way his ex-boyfriend looked, it didn't seem like he was going to. He'd shut down again. Erik didn't want to be the reason that Laxus felt obligated to come back. He didn't want to guilt trip the guy.

"So," Laxus muttered. "How's-"

"Do you remember anything that happened last night?" Cobra blurted out.

Laxus blinked in surprise, then slowly shook his head. His brow furrowed when Erik sighed and got ready to stand up. "Wait, what did I do?"

Cobra forced himself to meet Laxus' gaze. Of course the blond wouldn't remember anything he'd said. He wouldn't remember telling Erik and Lucy that he was sorry, and that he loved Erik more than anything. Erik knew he shouldn't have gotten his hopes up, but he hadn't been able to help it. "It's not important," he said flatly.

"Erik," Laxus whispered, his pounding head tilting to one side when the smaller man froze. A quick flash of pain crossed over his features before it was hidden again, and Laxus found himself more than confused at just what had caused it. "What's wrong?"

"Not a damn thing, Laxus."

"No, something's wrong. You always tell me what's going on… Why are you hiding it from me now?"

"Because there's no reason to tell you anything," Erik answered, clenching his jaw. If he was supposed to treat Laxus like he was anyone else, then that was what he would do. Except, the muscular blond sitting beside him had always been his kryptonite. Erik was an asshole to pretty much everyone, but he just couldn't bring himself to do that with Laxus. He just turned to mush, and in that moment, he hated that he couldn't be stronger.

"Why not?"

"You left me," Erik sighed quietly. _'Damnit…'_ He wasn't supposed to bring any of that up. Laxus was supposed to do the talking where that was concerned.

"Well…" Laxus caught the quick glance cast his way when he rubbed a hand over his tired face. "I guess it doesn't matter. You're with Little Bit now, so…"

"God you're a fucking dumbass," Erik sneered. In a matter of seconds, he'd gone from upset and ready to just crawl back into bed and sleep his life away, to pissed the hell off. It wasn't often, if ever, that he was genuinely mad at Laxus, which meant he finally had the motivation to do what he did best. Just like Lucy had told him eight months earlier.

" _Rub his face in the mistake he made. Make him feel like total shit for it. Unless Laxus realizes that you're not just gonna wait around for him forever, he'll keep it up, because he thinks you're okay with it. Even though I've told him enough times that it's fucked up."_

Laxus jolted at the look on Erik's face. "Huh?"

"You know as well as everyone else does," Erik whispered. "I'm gay. I've never had any problem admitting that shit."

"And yet, you're dating my sister."

"Because you're a fucking tool and can't see that I only want _you_ ," Erik spat. "You're so goddamn scared of admitting shit that I got fucked over every time we were together. I'd think that things were going great, then you'd get a wild hair up your ass and leave me."

"Erik-"

"No, I know Alice told me to let you come to me, and to listen when you finally did, but I'm not. I've got some shit to say, and you're gonna listen, goddamnit."

Laxus' mouth clamped shut with an audible pop, his eyes wide and shocked. Erik was never like this with him. It was one of the things he loved about the guy. No matter what happened, Erik was still a damn sweetheart with Laxus, even when he was pissed and ready to tear someone's head off. Slowly, the blond nodded.

Erik turned to face the blond, leaning his elbows on his knees. "You treated me like shit for years before we got together," he said softly. "And even though you did, I still fucking wanted you. And when we woke up in a bed together after drinking our asses off, you have no fucking _clue_ how happy I was that I got to be with you even for just a night. I agreed to keep it quiet, because you asked me to, and I knew it'd never happen again anyway. And when it happened again, I kept it quiet again."

Laxus nodded again.

"I did whatever the hell you wanted, because I just wanted to have time with you. I was fucking desperate for you to care about me, and I let you walk all over me."

"Erik, I-"

"No, motherfucker," Erik spat. "Listen to what the fuck I have to say for once. Usually, when you broke up with me, I'd be able to take the day off of work or just keep myself cooped up in the office if I needed it, and no one would fucking know. And last time… I couldn't hide that shit if I wanted to. And yeah, I talked with Lucy about what was going on, and we agreed that if you didn't realize what the fuck you did wrong to make me stay away, then I'd just date her. You left me. You always fucking left me, when all I ever did was give a shit about you."

"Well-"

"You know I don't get along with most people. You know I don't fucking _like_ the majority of people I meet, and that it's hard as hell for me to trust anyone. Being with you only made it harder, because every time I thought you'd open up and just be my boyfriend, just fucking _care_ about me, you'd leave."

"But, Erik-"

"Goddamnit, Laxus!" he shouted. "Shut the fuck up!" Did he care that Lucy most likely woke up from him shouting? In that moment, not really. She already knew he was going to talk to Laxus, considering they were going to be in the same apartment, and she was probably just as surprised as he was that he wasn't already just crying over this shit. If he wasn't so pissed, he probably would be.

Laxus' jaw clenched in anger, but he nodded anyway.

Erik took a deep breath, then continued more quietly. "What you and I had… I loved being able to wake up next to you, Laxus. And I loved having you hold me, and…" He shook his head and looked down at his hands. "But I can't do that shit anymore. The only reason I agreed to be with your sister is because I was hurting. She's not the one I want, but I can't have you either. At least, with Lucy… I feel like I've got someone that gives a shit about me. She's not ashamed of being with me, like you were. She's still just like a sister to me, and I know she feels the same way, but with her…"

Laxus' breath caught in his throat as Erik looked back up at him, the grief and sadness clear in his single eye that shined with unshed tears.

"I don't have to worry every day that it's the last time I'll get to hold her," Erik whispered shakily. "And I never have to wonder if she loves me as much as I love her, even if we're not actually attracted to each other. I-I can… I can kiss her in public if I really want to, because she's not scared of people finding out that we're together. She's everything you weren't for me, Laxus."

The two sat in silence for several minutes with neither trying to say a single word to the other. Finally, when Laxus really just couldn't take it any longer, he whispered, "Is it alright if I talk now?"

Erik nodded, but didn't look away from his hands.

"I didn't realize what day it was when I broke up with you last time," Laxus sighed. "That really doesn't excuse it, but when I talked to Bix… He saw you were upset and figured something happened. I went down there to apologize, and walked in to see you making out with my sister."

"Her idea," Erik muttered.

"I figured, but that didn't make it hurt less." Laxus hesitated for a moment, then carefully moved across the couch and pulled Erik's hands into his own. Their fingers laced together, and Laxus felt the small tremble in his ex-boyfriend's hands. "I know I fucked up, and I don't want to lose you."

"You already did…"

"Then I want to fight to get you back," Laxus said in earnest. "Whatever I have to do, I'll do it. I've never been more miserable than these last few months without you, Erik. I took it all for granted before, and… If you'll give me the chance… I'll never do that again."

"L-Laxus, I don't know…"

"You don't have to decide right now," Laxus whispered, a small smile on his lips as he lifted Erik's chin and pressed their foreheads together. "Take all the time you want. You're it for me. It took losing you to realize it, and it never should have come to that, but I know now. I'll wait for you. However long you want or need."

"I don't know if I can trust you again…"

"Then I'll get your trust back first. We can start over from square one. Just friends. And if you're ever ready for more, then I will be too."

"I-I don't…" Erik's eye slid closed to keep himself from caving. He knew what he wanted. He wanted Laxus, more than ever before. And the stormy eyes he had been looking into always just melted any resolve he had to stay away. Slowly, his head dropped, and he was surprised to find Laxus staying completely still so his nose was nestled in Erik's maroon hair. "I don't know…"

"Just think about it," Laxus whispered with a gentle squeeze to Erik's hands. "No pressure. And, if you don't want to be with me, or if you can't, then… I'll understand. I really don't deserve any more chances from you."

Erik nodded and carefully pulled back. "I-I'm gonna make breakfast, so…" He stood and kept his gaze on the floor as he walked into the kitchen, blinking in surprise when he was instantly pulled into Lucy's arms. "A-Alice?"

She squeezed him tightly and kissed his cheek. "I can't make the decision for you, Erik. But, this was what you wanted."

He nodded. "I know…"

"Well, it's up to you if you want to take him back."

"I-I know, Tink…"

Lucy sighed as he hugged her back just as tightly. "Just think it over while you cook. Maybe you'll have an answer by the time you're done."

* * *

Once breakfast was ready, Erik had made up his mind. It had really been made up from the very beginning, since the night before when he'd seen Laxus. He was always weak against the hulking blond, and he didn't know if he ever wanted that to change. Still, the partially functioning logical part of his brain was telling him that he needed to give it a little more time.

Lucy smiled after getting Laxus back up from where he'd collapsed into a hungover heap on the couch, then made her way to the kitchen to help Erik get everything out to the table. One look at him, and she knew he'd made up his mind. Her arms wound around him, and she sighed as their lips met. Really, she couldn't help it. He didn't get her all riled up, but she still appreciated just what he could do with his lips alone. "I'm happy for you, Cobra."

He smirked and pulled back slightly. "Is it that obvious?"

Lucy nodded with a gentle smile. "Looks like another boyfriend of mine turned out to be gay," she giggled.

"You sure you're alright with-"

She pressed her fingers to his lips to silence him. "I'm sure," Lucy whispered. "This is what we wanted all along, silly. You're still just a brother to me, even though I'll miss the way you kiss."

Erik laughed when she gave him a playful wink. "Is that why you did that? One last kiss to remember me by?"

"Duh," she laughed. "Still, I'm glad he's finally come around. Guess it took a little longer than we both thought."

"At least he did…"

Lucy gave him one last lingering hug, then helped him carry the food out to the table. Once everyone was seated, she cleared her throat loudly and looked across the small table. "Erik, I… I have something to tell you," she said, lowering her eyes to her plate.

"What's up?"

It took everything in her to hide the grin that wanted to stretch across her face. "I can't be with you. I love you, but I'm just not _in_ love with you. It's… It's not you, it's me. We're just on different paths, and I thought we could make this work, that maybe I could feel a spark, but… It's…" Lucy dropped her face to her hands and let out a choked, obviously fake, sob. "It's over."

Erik smirked as he looked at the surprise clearly etched on Laxus' face. His lips parted with a reply sitting on the tip of his tongue.

Lucy threw a hand out and dramatically wailed, "No. Don't speak! I know just what you're thinking, and I don't need your reasons! Don't tell me, 'cause it hurts!"

"Little Bit," Laxus chuckled. "Did you just quote No fucking Doubt?"

Lucy grinned when Laxus and Erik laughed. "Maybe. Now, you two need to kiss and make up. Wait, lemme get my phone. It's gonna be so hot!"

Erik shook his head and rolled his eye. "Do you have any idea how fucking creepy it is hearing you say shit like that about your brother? Not even me, but… He's _blood_ , Alice."

"She's a few fries short, babe," Laxus muttered with a smirk.

Erik froze, his face falling as he looked back at Laxus. In the year they had been together, Laxus had never called him anything aside from his name or 'Cobra'. Not once had he used a petname that made it so Erik felt like he really cared. After a moment, Erik cleared away the sudden thickness in his throat and looked down at his food again "M-More like a burger and a toy…"

Laxus frowned at the sudden change in Erik's mood, then glanced at Lucy as she smiled and got up from the table in silence. Once she was out of the room, he realized just what he'd said. And why Erik clammed up as quickly as he did. "I'm sorry."

"I know."

Laxus sighed and looked at his own untouched food. It wasn't even a matter of whether or not they were together. He'd never let Erik know just how he felt about him, aside from the fact that he was even willing to date him - albeit quietly - or that they'd had sex pretty regularly while they were a couple. But something as simple as that little petname… He'd never even done that for the guy. "It won't be like that ever again," he whispered. "I swear."

"I-I know…"

With a small smile, Laxus pushed his chair back and knelt next to the smaller man. Gentle, calloused fingers brushed over his deeply tanned chin, carefully turning Erik's face until they were looking into each other's eyes. "Kiss me, babe," he breathed. "I love you, and I was a fucking idiot, but just-" Laxus' eyes widened, then fluttered closed, as Erik dove forward and their lips crashed together.

Erik didn't care about anything else. What he'd wanted to hear from Laxus all this time, what he'd quite literally dreamt about more often than not, finally happened. "I love you," he groaned against Laxus' full lips, his fingers sifting through the soft golden spikes of hair. "I love you so fucking much."

"Take me back."

"Always."

Laxus groaned as Erik forced his head to one side and that lithe tongue fiercely plunged between his lips. He'd never been able to get enough of Erik's kisses. Even when he was struggling with accepting the fact that he loved a man in the first place, the way Erik kissed him was unlike anything he'd ever experienced before. His mind shut off completely, and he was more than happy to let it happen.

A quiet giggle sounded through the room, and Erik pulled back from the intoxicating lips of the blond. He turned so he could see where Lucy's laughter had come from, a glare sharpening his gaze when he saw her phone out and recording the two of them. "You're a fucking cockblock, y'know that?" he growled.

"No way in hell was I not recording this," Lucy laughed. "I'm showing it to your babies!"

"We can't _have_ babies," Laxus groaned.

"No shit," Erik nodded. When she ignored them and started typing furiously, his eye narrowed in suspicion. "Alice… Don't fucking tell me…"

A devilish grin spread over her face, making Laxus and Erik shudder in unison. "I-I think she did," Laxus whispered.

"Oh," Lucy chuckled darkly. "It's on Facebook now. In the past two minutes you've gotten seventy-five likes… Twenty-two shares…" She paused and refreshed the page on her phone. "And so far, fifty-eight people have commented saying 'Finally.'"

A deep flush crossed Erik's cheeks. "Fuck you…"

"No thanks," Lucy laughed. "I don't fuck gay guys. Or my siblings." She stuck her tongue out at the newly reformed couple, then screamed when Erik shot up from his chair and began chasing her through the apartment.

Laxus smirked and shook his head, then took his seat again. His head was pounding still, and Lucy's screaming wasn't helping, but it didn't really matter to him as he took a bite of the food his once-again-boyfriend had made. Erik wasn't an amazing cook by any stretch of the imagination, but this was still a whole lot better than what Laxus was capable of doing. A quiet chuckle left him as Lucy rushed back into the living room, an eerily high-pitched screech tumbling from her lips just as Erik tackled her to the floor. From where he was sitting, Laxus had a perfect view of the morning's festivities.

"I'm gonna murder the shit outta you!"

"That's disgusting!" Lucy shouted. "Just murder me! Don't bring my shit into this!"

"Goddamnit!" Erik cackled, his fingers wriggling wildly as they pressed into her sides.

"He can't help you now! Fuck!" Lucy squirmed one way and the other to get away from the tickling torture she was being forced to endure. "Stop! HAHA!"

"You guys are ridiculous," Laxus muttered around his fork. Erik and Lucy had been friends since high school, even though he was two years ahead of her, and they had always been like this. Absolutely insane. _'But I still fucking love them…'_

Erik squeaked. "Get your finger outta my ass!"

"Oh my god!"

"Why the fuck are you smelling it?!"

"It smells like daisies!" Lucy's hysterical laughter was cut short by a scream and a soft thud on the floor. And then more hysterical laughter.

"Gimme that goddamn phone!" Erik bellowed. "I do _not_ use daisy enemas!"

"Too late! I have proof!" Lucy found her laughter increasing until her sides ached. Then she screamed. "Did you just bite my boob?!"

"I did! I'll bite it off next time!"

Laxus blinked slowly while taking a bite of his toast, listening to Erik grunt in pain.

"Oh god, my balls…"

Laxus shook his head while sipping at his coffee. The two rolled one way and the other in an impromptu wrestling match, and Lucy's phone skittered across the floor until it hit his foot. He picked up the phone and saw that Lucy's last post on Facebook really did say that Erik's ass smelled like daisies.

With a wicked grin, Laxus started taking a video of the two as Erik pinned Lucy to the ground by sitting on her chest and hooking her legs under his arms so she was bent in half.

"If the devil doesn't like it, he can sit on a tack!" Erik sang loudly, a wicked grin on his face.

"Ow!" Lucy shrieked when he pinched her behind.

"Sit on a tack!"

"Oh god, sto - Ow!"

"Sit on a tack!"

"Cobra, don't you dare - OW! You bit my ass!"

"Goddamn right, I did!"

"I can't breathe!"

"Get smaller tits." He paused then wiggled where he was sitting on her breasts and added, "Nevermind, I'm comfy."

"Still can't breathe."

"How the hell are you talking if you can't breathe?"

"..."

"Alice?"

"..."

Erik grinned and looked up at Laxus, then gave the phone a thumbs up.

"Ah! Get your finger out of my ass!"

"It's alive!" Erik shouted while wrestling with the flailing blonde.

"I fucking love you, Cobra," Laxus laughed just before he ended the video. That shit was going online. Especially because not many people got to see Erik as anything other than an asshole. It was the one thing he never was where Lucy or Laxus were concerned, and in that moment… Laxus wanted everyone to see just what he saw in the normally grouchy asshole. His smile, his laugh, how big of a dork he was, and everything else Laxus loved about him.

* * *

 **And there's the rest of the Laxus/Cobra/Lucy triangle. Next chapter** _ **will**_ **have Jackal in it again. I'm just not sure where in the timeline it'll be after Jackal and Lucy meet. I hope you guys enjoyed this. I definitely loved writing it.**

 **So, Review, Follow, Favorite! I love you, guys!**

 **~~GemNika**


	4. Say What?

**A/N: This is in honor of the amazing shit happening in a game I'm playing right now. I have no shame.**

 **I will tell you all now... These are direct quotes from my own experience playing...**

* * *

"Yoruichi, you dirty slut. I'm gonna smack that Shunko right off your stupid little useless face!"

Jackal had learned relatively quickly that he needed to ignore any odd comments coming from one particular corner of The Coffee Shop. The patrons at his new job did a pretty good job of ignoring it, even though there were a few people that found the running commentary especially hilarious.

Those people worked at the store, and were doing everything in their power not to end up in tears.

"I'm taking this five-star Kenpachi and _molesting_ you with it! Accept it, you little rat bastard! Accept my Kendo-pachi!"

It was an odd sight, though, to see the blonde bombshell in the corner with her computer closed and staring intently at her phone. And the phone itself was making him question her sanity quite a bit. Who in their right mind had a phone case that looked like a _very_ realistic cyclops with infected boils and rotted out teeth?

When he'd asked her while handing the blonde her coffee, Jackal had nearly pissed himself from laughing so hard.

" _This guy."_

The reply had been complete with a smug, Fonzie smirk and dual thumbs pointed toward herself.

"I have the _POWER!_ "

"Alice, that is the wrong motherfucking franchise," Cobra cackled while handing a pale man with two-toned white and black hair his tea.

"What is she doing?"

Cobra smirked while leaning on the counter, peering over at the blonde. "Fucking Bleach," he chuckled. "She's been grinding it since they came out with the six-stars this morning."

"... What?"

Jackal blinked in surprise and turned sharply to look at Lucy again. The two had had a handful of conversations while he was giving her the insanity she called a drink, but it was always short and to the point. Just a few jokes here and there. He hadn't even considered just what she was saying, because it was better to just brush it off as Lucy being a damn weirdo.

But that…

Cobra frowned when Jackal practically threw the next customer's drink on the counter before running around the side and right over to Lucy. "Jackal, what the hell are you-"

"What's this I hear about six-stars?" he asked, coming to a screeching halt in front of Lucy.

"Hold on," she said distractedly, narrowing her eyes. "Nnoitra's trying to rape my soul and gip me out of two fucking orbs…"

Jackal took a seat on the arm of the plush chair she'd commandeered for the day - yet another sign that things were taking a very weird turn for her. Lucy _always_ sat at her table, never in this chair.

"Suck. My. Throbbing. Dick," she growled. Her thumb tapped the red button wildly, the other swiping one way then another to continue dodging.

"Which mission?"

"No characters dead."

"Why are you using Yoruichi?" Jackal frowned as Lucy finished the mission, having lost a character right at the end.

"Because she's my dodge character. She's got the best chance against him."

That made sense, and he'd seen the little pixelated image of a tanned woman dodging several attacks, with the higher than normal bonus adding to her ability to not get hit. There was just one problem. "Nnoitra's red," he said. "She's green."

"So?"

"So, green's weak against red. You wanna use blue or red against him."

Lucy's lips pursed angrily as she looked up at the man beside her, only to fade once she realized just who it was. "O-Oh, hey Jackal."

"Hey," he grinned.

She was sure her face was a bright, tomato red by that point.

"Jackal, get the fuck back to work or I'm shoving a coffee pot inside one orifice of my fucking choosing!"

Jackal blanched and gave the blonde a nervous chuckle at the sound of his manager's grating voice. "I-I should get back to work."

Lucy nodded in silence, shrinking down in her seat slightly as he stood and walked back to the counter. She hardly ever saw Jackal below his waist, and the realization that he had a tight little bubble butt that was hugged perfectly in his black jeans - because there was really only a polo shirt for the uniform there - was threatening to make her hyperventilate.

After a moment, the chair next to hers was filled, and Lucy looked over to find Midnight sipping at his mug of piping hot tea.

"So… Bleach?"

"Yep."

He nodded slowly, keeping his crimson eyes locked onto the blond worker who was in the process of cringing away from the quiet malevolence of Cobra the Manager from Hell. "And… Cobra says…"

"Shut up, Midnight," she grumbled, glaring down at her screen while looking at the characters in her main team. _'Blue… Blue… Shit, I need to find a blue…'_

"You don't know what I was going to say."

"Is it about Jackal?"

"Possibly."

"Then I know what you're going to say," she shrugged. "I'm being good. I'm not bothering him."

"Mm-hmm."

"What?"

He shrugged when she looked up at him again. "He was just over here talking to you."

"He came to me," she replied, frowning again. "Hey, should I use Grimmjow or Academy Renji?"

"I literally have _no_ idea what you're talking about."

She rolled her eyes and showed him the list of gold-bordered five-star characters that were already level one hundred. "The one with blue hair or red hair?"

"The one with blue hair is sexier," he said, giving both a critical eye. "But I don't think that's the goal of your game."

"Damnit…" She slumped back into her seat and scowled at the screen, then gave up and turned it off. She needed to conserve her battery anyway. "So, what brings you all the way out here?"

"Waiting for Cobra to get off work. We're supposed to be going to some party with Angel tonight. He's my ride."

"You let the guy with only one eye drive you around," she snickered.

"I can't get a license with narcolepsy," he smirked. "He's a safer driver than I am."

"That's terrifying."

Midnight nodded and took another sip of his tea, glancing down at Lucy's empty cup. "You want another one? I'll buy it for you."

"Oh, I can get it myself," she smiled. "And it's stupid expensive, so you don't need to-"

"Lucy, you're the reason people even buy those phone cases I make."

"I just wrote an article about it," she cringed.

"And your blog is insanely popular," he chuckled. "I've got back-orders out the wazoo."

"Your poor wazoo…"

"It'll never be the same, now that you've got your ones and zeros all over it. Thank you for that, by the way. Now give me your cup."

Lucy laughed and shook her head, then handed the pale, makeup-wearing man her empty cup. "Thanks, Midnight." While he stood up to throw it away and order her another drink, Lucy turned her phone back on and stared at her screen for several long minutes before giving up and switching over to the new event that she still needed to do. It would take forever to get all the jewels she needed just to level up her characters, but it would be worth it. Assuming she could even decide which one to make into a six-star.

After several long minutes, Midnight returned. He set the drink down on the table next to Lucy's arm, then took his seat. "Lucy."

"Yeah?"

He took a long, deep breath. "If you have Academy Renji at a hundred percent, throw two strong attack recharge characters on him, and then someone to give you a solid attack bonus. Leave Yoruichi the way she is, and take that Kenpachi and put an Orihime on him to get through the little enemies, so he'll heal between. As soon as you get to the boss, switch to Renji and use his special right away. Both of them, or all three if you get an extra one. His first strong attack is delayed, but you won't get hit while he's using it, and it does a good bit of damage. Do all that, and you shouldn't have any problem killing Nnoitra."

The blonde blinked slowly and looked at the man beside her with a slack jaw. "... What?"

Midnight groaned and pressed his palm to his forehead. "Please don't make me say it all again…"

"I thought you didn't know anything about this game," she frowned in suspicion.

"I don't. Jackal made your drink, so I asked him which character you should use, Grimmjow or Academy Renji. You have no idea how hard it was to memorize what he was saying…"

Lucy jolted in surprise and shot the blond behind the counter a small smile, her cheeks flushing when he grinned and winked at her. "Thanks, Jackal," she said just loud enough for him to hear.

"He said, if you're interested," Midnight smirked. "He'll come sit with you on his break in half an hour. He's apparently very excited about this six-star thing."

Lucy bit her lips and quickly grabbed her coffee, trying to get rid of the heat overtaking her face by chugging the frozen beverage. She looked toward Jackal again to find his golden eyes locked on her.

He raised a brow in question, then let out a wide, toothy grin when Lucy's blush deepened and she nodded.

By the time his break rolled around, because Bickslow had come into work and was going to be the manager for the night, Jackal was grabbing two identical drinks from the counter and making his way over to Lucy. He gave the blonde one and sat down, pulling out his phone in the process.

"Hey, Jackal," she smiled.

"Hey." While waiting for the loading screen to finish, he peered around her to look at the man that had bought her last drink, fast asleep and hanging mostly out of his chair. "Is he…"

"Oh, Midnight is narcoleptic," Lucy said. "Don't worry about him."

Jackal winced when Lucy reached over and roughly pinched Midnight's cheek, shaking his head from one side to the other in the process. "I see…"

"So," Lucy said turning her phone toward him. "What am I doing wrong?"

Jackal frowned at the screen, pulling her hand closer so he could see the characters. "How many are at a hundred percent?"

"All of my five-stars."

"How many do you have?"

"..."

He blanched while scrolling through the list. "Why do you have so many?"

"I'm a bit of a completionist," Lucy laughed.

"You have all the characters that are ascendable to six-star," he whispered. "Do it! Do one of them!"

"I don't know," Lucy sighed. "I mean-"

"No, you have to do this. Battles are going to be insane once people start maxing out their six-stars, and you won't stand a chance otherwise."

"Do you have one to do with me?"

Jackal grinned and turned his phone toward her, showcasing his line of characters. "I've been waiting all month for this shit. I'm more than ready."

Cobra's eye narrowed while watching Jackal and Lucy laughing quietly with one another. The two didn't get too close, or anything else, but he was still going to keep an eye on them.

"Bossman," Bickslow said while tying his apron and making his way to the register. "What's Cosplayer up to?"

"That damn Bleach game," Cobra muttered.

"Oh," Bickslow laughed. "She's been trying to get me hooked on it."

"Jackal apparently plays it."

"That's kinda cool."

"No fucking way!" Jackal laughed in surprise. "How the hell… That's seven five-stars in a ten pull!"

"What the hell is he talking about?" Cobra hissed.

"Some event going on right now," Bickslow answered. "You use orbs to get more characters, but there's a step-up system in place for the next couple weeks."

"What's this game called?"

"Bleach: Brave Souls."

Cobra's eye narrowed for a moment, then he walked into the office and pulled out his phone. He'd been trying to keep Lucy off his back about this damn game for months, but he had to admit… It did look like fun. And it would keep him occupied when he was bored out of his skull.

"You got a Stark!" Lucy screeched. "I don't have him ye - Oh my god Soi Fon! Bankai Soi Fon!"

"Lucy, relax," Jackal laughed. "You're gonna - Holy shit, I got Gin! Sweet baby Jesus!"

By the time Cobra had come back out of the office, the two knuckleheads were talking more animatedly than before, partially screaming, sometimes squealing. And all at once, they went dead silent, fully engrossed in their phones as they worked on levelling up their characters.

The entirety of the coffee shop was silent right along with them, waiting for something to happen to cause the two blondes to nearly combust from their excitement.

Macbeth's unconscious body finally slipped off of his chair, smearing his makeup across the floor.

A woman dropped a dime on the counter while paying for her coffee, causing Midnight to jolt and roll onto his side. He sat up quickly and looked at his surroundings, then over to the counter. "Why am I on the floor?"

"I fucking quit," Cobra muttered as he turned on his heel and walked back into the office. "I'm quitting life right fucking now."

"Hey, Cobra!" Bickslow called out. "Wait, Jackal's still on break!"

"I'm putting in my resignation for existence on this goddamn planet!"

"Don't be so melodramatic!" Lucy laughed.

"Says the wench that just blew out my eardrums," he grumbled, still smirking while locking himself in the office. Cobra pulled out his phone and opened the game once it was finished downloading. "Alright… Let's see what all the damn fuss is about…"

* * *

 **Like I said, I have no shame. I'm sure all of us have experienced something like this though, hearing people talking about a game and not having any idea what the lingo they're using means.**

 **I highly suggest this game if you're interested in** _ **Bleach**_ **though. It's a** _ **lot**_ **of fun to play.**

 **Until next time!**

 **~~GemNika**


	5. Wine I Think of That?

**A/N: So… Sorry for the unexpected six-month hiatus from this story? I, um… Have no words. But, Jackal's back in this chapter as well! Updates are sporadic at best. I've updated several stories in the last week alone. I doubt I can continue this trend, but I'll try for as long as possible.**

 **Also, for anyone interested, you should check out the "Period Panties" kickstarter that inspired the underwear in this chapter. When I've got the money, I'm totally buying a few pairs… Or all of them... They're so damn cute!**

* * *

Her night was splendid, fantastic, so utterly fucking wonderful that she was treating herself to a bottle - or two - of wine. A delicious Moscato that Laxus had gotten a whole case of, only to realize he just didn't like the sweetness of it. Apparently he wasn't a dessert wine kind of guy.

Oh, but Lucy was. And even though she was supposed to be working on revising her novel, she just couldn't bring herself to really _work_. Not when there were kitten videos on YouTube that were begging for her attention.

And then animals farting. And then she wound up on Bickslow's YouTube channel, watching him spit fire down at the beach, twirl swords and staves set aflame, and then a bunch of his utterly moronic party videos. She was sure he shouldn't still be doing keg-stands at his age, or… since he wasn't in college anymore.

It was just after she'd filled her glass again and took a sip that Lucy found herself cursing the blue-haired man's Nicki Minaj - he should _not_ be wearing that thong and a long blonde wig and thrusting his hips so fucking much, and sweet mother of _god_ why hadn't he shaved his balls?! - when she started laughing and the wine sloshed out of her glass.

All over her laptop.

"Aw, shit," Lucy groaned. She lifted the laptop and tipped it toward her, hoping she could shake the wine from between her keys. Except all it did was send wine careening down to one corner.

But she was a quick thinker and pushed her open mouth beneath it, humming in contentment when she got a few precious droplets onto her tongue. But when she tried to put it back in her lap, the blonde realized that her glass was empty, sitting where her computer had been, and covering her pale pink duvet in liquid.

"Oh, c'mon!" she shouted. Lucy tossed the computer to the foot of the bed and struggled to get the glass into her hand, then on the nightstand. It was while she sat, glaring down at the bed, Lucy realized she needed to worry about her laptop.

Wasn't it a bad idea to get electronics wet?

"Goddamnit!" she screeched. Why couldn't she remember what Cobra had told her to do when she'd dropped her phone in the toilet? "Google! Oh, I can Google it!"

She scrambled back over to the laptop, frowning when she tried to open up a new tab and the cursor shook and wobbled, but didn't glide over to the taskbar. It took too long, what with the stupid little thing only moving a millimeter with each quick flick of her finger across the trackpad, but eventually she was able to open up her internet browser.

And then she remembered that she already had one open. But it was too late. She would just have to listen to _Anaconda_ for a few more minutes while squinting at the keys and trying to make them stop swaying long enough to type out her question.

"My laptop's... wet," she whispered while typing. "Why… Goddamnit, keys… What do I… I… Oh my _god_ the letter I!" Her finger slammed down on the key, and her eyes went wide when it wouldn't _stop_ typing the letter. No matter how many times she hit backspace, it just kept going. And going. It was as though the Energizer Bunny was fucking her 'I' under the little keycap, just tapping away and thwarting her every effort to just _fix_ things!

Finally, she just hit enter. Maybe that would work.

Nothing happened. More _I_ 's danced across her search bar.

How else was she supposed to figure this out? She couldn't Google it on her computer, but...

"Oh, my phone!" she laughed, turning toward the pillows again. She paused, eyeing the bottle of wine still sitting in an iced bucket on her nightstand. Right next to her charging phone.

Well, if she wasn't going to be using her computer, it made sense if she filled her glass again. Then she could search on her phone. So, Lucy filled the glass and took a sip. Then a larger one. Finally, she set down the glass and unplugged her phone, smiling when she saw the blinking notification light. Silly her, she'd had her phone on vibrate all night so she could focus.

She swiped across the screen and put in her password, frowning when she couldn't get the numbers right, then rolled her eyes and typed slower. Finally, it unlocked and she pulled down the notification bar, tipping her head one way and another as she hummed along with the song still playing on the computer.

A text from Jackal sat there, and when she checked the timestamp, she realized it had come in only minutes before the computer fiasco.

Lucy clicked on it, smiling when she saw the text.

 _Hey cuteness. How's what wine and revision going?_

She wasn't sure when he'd started with the pet names, but they'd been texting for a couple weeks now. Maybe every text he sent her had some nickname in it. She did know that it made her stomach tie itself in knots when she read them. Especially since they were never crude or disgusting. Just sweet.

She tried to type back her response, then frowned when the song stuttered in the background. That reminded her… she was supposed to be googling how to handle wine in her computer. Maybe Jackal knew.

She typed out a quick response, explaining what had happened, then hit send. While she waited for him to answer, Lucy sat back on the bed and sipped at her wine.

And then her phone started vibrating, much longer than normal for a text. She lifted it, staring at the screen for a moment, at Jackal's grinning face sitting in the middle of the screen, then giggled and answered the call. "Hello?"

"Okay, your voice proves it," he chuckled.

"Proves what?"

"You are wasted."

"I'm not," she giggled, sipping at her wine again.

"That text says otherwise." She frowned in confusion, but heard the quick shuffle of his phone before he spoke again. "Check what you sent me."

She rolled her eyes, but looked down at her phone and switched to her messaging app. A harsh laugh left her when she really tried to focus on the letters.

 _Jackal I splld wime ommycmmpter do you jnue hww to fix that?!_

"Oh," Lucy snorted. "Sorry about that."

"It's all good," he sighed. It sounded like he was lying down, and she could vaguely hear the television humming in the background on the other end of the line. "So what happened?"

"I spilled wine on my laptop," she huffed. "You wouldn't know how to handle that, would you? I can't remember."

Silence was her answer for several painfully long moments.

"Do you have rice?"

"I need to fix the computer, not make a snack!"

"Put the computer in the rice and leave it there for a day," he chuckled.

Lucy sighed and made her way out to the kitchen, taking the empty wine bottle with her. As she looked for rice in the refrigerator, she asked, "What are you doing tonight?"

"Watching anime," he said. "New Gintama episodes are out and I'm behind."

"You're so boring," she laughed. "Do I need cooked rice? Because I don't wanna cook. I can probably order some-"

"Uncooked rice," he laughed. "Are you sure you can handle this?"

Lucy nodded and closed the fridge then walked toward her pantry. Damn. She only had half a pound. Oh well, she'd make it work. "Rice acquired," she said. "Now what?"

"Grab a trash bag and put the computer in it, then spread the rice over it." She listened to him shift on what she knew was his couch again, the sound in the background halting. Most likely, he'd paused it so he didn't miss anything.

Lucy paused in her trip back to her bedroom when she realized that she hadn't thrown the wine bottle away. She was still carrying it. And she'd forgotten to grab a trash bag. She pivoted in place switching the bottle out for a bag, then went to turn back only for the rice to spill out of the little bag and go crashing to the floor.

"God-fucking-damnit," she groaned.

"What happened this time?" Jackal chuckled.

"I'm out of rice…" She didn't care if she was whining. Lucy just wanted to do this on her own. Was that so much to ask? "And I'm too drunk to drive to the store and get more."

"That sucks." There was more shuffling on the line, and Lucy trudged back to her bedroom huffing when she sat down on the bed and realized that there was still a huge wet spot on the duvet. And that she was sitting in it.

"What are you doing?" Lucy asked.

"Putting on pants."

"Oh."

"And shoes." She listened to him stomping his feet into the work boots he wore whenever he wasn't working at the Coffee Shop. "Grabbing my keys." She heard the quiet jingle of his keys. "My wallet. And a jacket because it's snowing outside."

"Why are you…" Lucy frowned for a moment, listening as his door opened and closed and he quietly cursed about the cold weather outside his apartment. "Jackal?"

"Yes?"

"What are you _doing_?"

"I'm being a sweetheart and going to get you some rice."

"Really?! Oh, Jackal you don't need to-"

"Too late. I have pants on. And you know how I feel about being in just my boxers." She did. He was a firm believer in wearing only his underwear as soon as he was home for the day. She'd popped in on him once on his day off with lunch for the two of them, and had been more than surprised that he wouldn't let her in right away, because he had to get dressed. "Now, once we get this handled, what do you say to sharing some of that fancy ass wine of yours?"

"You've got a deal," she grinned. "Jackal, you're the best!"

"Sometimes," he chuckled, unlocking his car. "Okay, beautiful. I'm getting in the car. I'll call you when I get there."

"Sounds good. Thank you so much!"

The door closed and she heard him warming his hands up and turning on the car, blasting the heat with a soft sigh. "Have you had dinner yet?"

"It's almost ten."

"Right," he chuckled. "Did you remember to eat dinner during your binge drinking and YouTubing?"

"... No."

"Then expect dinner, too."

Lucy smiled and lowered her gaze to her hands. "You're too sweet, Jackal," she whispered. "Really."

"So I've been told," he said, "Mostly by you. Chinese, pizza, or tacos?"

"I'm a slut for tacos," she snickered. "And so are you."

"No, I'm a burrito bitch." She knew he was smiling by the tone in his voice when she laughed again. "But I can't drive and talk on the phone, so I'll see you soon, okay?"

"Mm-hmm." Lucy sighed while lying back on her bed as the call ended, clutching it to her chest and letting a giddy grin curl her lips.

It wasn't often that she got to see Jackal outside of his job, just here and there in the past couple months since they'd bonded over their Bleach game. Granted, they saw each other constantly while he was working because Lucy just couldn't stop herself from going down there and buying her ridiculously priced drink, spending time with her extended family there, and trying not to ogle the delicious blond.

But she'd only seen him away from the Coffee Shop a handful of times. More often than not, it was late at night when she'd been drinking at home alone, and they usually ended up just sitting on the couch, watching anime or on their phones, playing games together.

Lucy sighed, lifting the phone and switching to her gallery to swipe through the photos she was sure Jackal didn't know she'd taken. Maybe it was creepy of her, but she really liked being able to sneak quick snapshots randomly. Like this one of him laughing while trying to wrap his arm around Bickslow's throat and give him one hell of a noogie - except, Jackal was just a little too short to pull it off, so he'd just ended up jumping the whole time.

Or the next picture of Cobra's arm wrapped around Jackal's throat as he dragged him toward the trash cans that Jackal had apparently neglected and were full of garbage.

Another of Jackal sitting on Lucy's couch with his hair up in a ponytail - this one he'd taken himself - doing a ridiculous duckface, with her draped across his lap and hiding her red face while she cracked up.

Then, when she ran out of pictures on her phone, she opened up Facebook and went right to his profile, then started clicking through his pictures. Granted, all of those were from before he'd started working at the Coffee Shop, and several of them had him in construction areas, smiling in his selfies while things exploded in the background. It just made her wonder why he'd stopped working demolition for the city.

Not that she would complain about seeing him in a tank top and cargo pants, holding a sledgehammer above his head and grinning at the camera just before he crushed some cinderblock. That sheen of sweat of his muscular arms… Good god.

Okay, so maybe she was just a little obsessed. Or, not _obsessed_ and a total stalker… but she had a crush. That much was obvious. The guys at the Coffee Shop loved teasing her about it nonstop, so there was no denying at least _that_ much.

Lucy rolled onto her stomach and grabbed the computer. It would probably be a good idea to close everything down. Thankfully, she'd known that she wasn't going to get any work done and had saved her work and shut it down hours ago. So that just left the internet tabs.

She frowned while struggling to get the cursor up to the little _x_ in the top right corner, but finally succeeded. Only to click and not have the stupid thing respond.

That really wasn't good. She clicked again, her eyes widening when the button stuck and wouldn't come back up.

"No," she whimpered. The last thing she wanted to do was buy a new laptop. That would just kill her. "No, no, no… come on!"

Her phone vibrated on the bed and she blindly reached over and answered the call.

"Taco slut speaking."

"Oh my god," Jackal laughed. "I'm coming up the stairs. Care to open the door?"

"That was fast," she said while pushing up from the bed and making her way to the front door.

"It's been nearly an hour," he said. "There was a line at the taco place."

She found her cheeks flushing when she realized that she'd lost track of time while looking at pictures of Jackal. She opened the door, keeping the phone to her ear when she saw his head appear at the top of the stairs.

Even wearing a thick jacket with a few flurries still sitting on his shoulders and in his hair, he was scrumptious.

Jackal chuckled when he saw her cheeks a healthy pink, whispering into the phone. "I think you're pretty scrumptious, too." That had Lucy blushing more furiously and hanging up just as he came to stand at her open door.

She ushered him inside and closed the door behind him, hiding her face behind her hair while he kicked off his boots. "The computer's in my room. I was trying to shut everything down, but…"

"You mean it's still _on_?"

She turned with a frown at the disbelief lacing his voice. "Yeah?"

"Shit, Lucy!" Jackal rushed toward her bedroom and practically tossed the food bags onto her bed, then held down the power button on her laptop, silently counting to ten. Fifteen. Then cursing when it still wouldn't turn off.

"Um…"

He got to thirty before it finally powered down. "This isn't good," he said, snapping the trash bag open. "You should have turned it off right away."

"Oh… I didn't know that…"

He tossed her a small, understanding smile over his shoulder. "It's all good, beautiful," he whispered. "I'll take care of it."

Luce bit her lip and watched as he turned the laptop over to remove the battery, then set everything in the trash bag. "Are you sure this'll work?"

"It'll get the moisture out," he said, opening two large bags of rice that he'd brought. He poured them into the bag, making sure to completely cover the keys, then around to the back where the battery had been, then the battery itself. "Whether it did any damage, we won't know until tomorrow night. You won't be able to use it for at least twenty-four hours."

"O-Okay."

Once he was finished, having poured a third bag of rice in just in case it needed more, Jackal pulled the bag closed and moved it to the floor in the far corner of the room. He stood and stretched, smiling over his shoulder once again as Lucy came forward and set her hands on the edges of his jacket. He let her slowly pull it off, turning as she tossed it on the bed. "Ready for food?"

Lucy nodded, smiling up at him. "Thanks, Jackal. You're a lifesaver."

He shrugged, leaning down to whisper in her ear while walking past. "Just for you, Lucy."

She shivered, nibbling her lip then grabbed her wine glass and followed him out to the living room. "You get that set up, I'll get more wine."

"Sounds good."

Minutes later, they sat side-by-side on the couch, nearly touching, and scarfed down their tacos and burritos as though they hadn't eaten in months while reruns of their mutual favorite anime ran on the television. Neither cared about using any sort of manners.

Jackal teased the woman at his side about her hot sauce Joker smile. He assured her that she was still gorgeous, and asked her why she was _so serious_. She squirted hot sauced at his face to give him a matching smile, and he didn't try to stop her.

Lucy picked up a refried bean that he'd dropped on the paper in his lap and shoved it up his nose, nearly spitting out her own food when he accidentally inhaled it, then coughed out the bean into his open palm in a panic. And then, he threw her for a loop when he grinned and tossed it back into his mouth and ate it.

They didn't pay attention to the empty bottles of wine littering the floor, far too busy joking around about how "fucking refined" they were with their crystalline glasses and the "very elegant" spread of junk food.

* * *

Cobra quietly opened the door to the apartment, making sure he didn't make too much noise since the sun was barely up. He needed to get to the Coffee Shop to open up in a few minutes, but the Facebook post from Lucy at nearly three that morning was a little concerning. Especially since she didn't answer her phone when he'd tried to call her.

He crept through the apartment, opening the app on his phone again and gazing down at her post.

 _Drowned my laptop. I should NOT make it rain with wine. I blame Bickslow's ballhair._

There was just too much that didn't make a whole lot of sense, aside from the fact that this was Lucy. Most likely, she'd been drinking just a little too much - as she tended to do when she was all alone in her apartment. Luckily she was smart enough to never _leave_ the place when she'd gotten hammered, and apparently Lucy just didn't like going out to bars and getting shitfaced.

He frowned at the sight of wine bottles all across the floor in the living room, with two leading to her bedroom. Lucy was never like that, she didn't leave shit lying around. Just like he knew for a fact that she didn't leave half-eaten burritos and tacos on her damn coffee table.

Why was an open jar of peanut butter can sitting on top of her tv?

"What the fuck was she _doing_?" he whispered, carefully stepping over the refuse in the hall and pushing her bedroom door open.

The bed was a mess, with the duvet scrunched up and Lucy's phone sitting on her pillow, charging. The top drawer of her dresser was hanging open. Her drapes were slightly parted.

And there, on the floor, Lucy laid topless, snoring like a goddamn chainsaw and draped diagonally across an almost entirely naked Jackal - who slept like the fucking dead - on a Twister mat. With his nipple nearly in her mouth and a can of whipped cream in her hand. If that wasn't weird enough, then the fact that she was wearing a pair of unfamiliar boxers with Pusheen cats printed all over them was.

"Wow…"

Except then Cobra noticed what Jackal actually was wearing, and he wanted to cut out his only eye to stop himself from seeing the guy's cock and balls squeezed into a pair of Lucy's panties - her preciously fucked up vampire panties that said _Cunt Dracula_ across the crotch.

"Oh," he whispered with a sneer, "Christ... God, you two are disgusting…"

So, he did what any good brother would do.

Cobra lifted his phone and snapped several pictures of the two, then turned and silently walked out of the room while posting them on Facebook and tagging both Lucy and Jackal with a caption of, _"I don't even want to know how this happened…"_

He could still hear Lucy snoring as he closed the front door and used his key to lock it. He would be texting Jackal later on to let him know that his shift at the store was cancelled. If he knew Lucy, she would be making her move - if she hadn't already the night before - and letting Jackal know that she didn't want to be _just friends_ anymore. And if he could give her a better shot at snagging a guy, then Cobra was damn well going to do it.

* * *

Lucy groaned and slowly peeled her eyes open, wincing against the bright afternoon light streaming through her window. What the hell had she done last night after Jackal showed up? Aside from watching Bleach and eating and drinking, it was a bit of a blur. But more to the point, her head was fucking killing her.

"Jackal?" she whispered, licking her lips and trying to get rid of the awful dryness within.

"Hmm…"

Lucy blinked slowly, frowning when she realized they were on the floor. And that she was sticky. Why the fuck was she _sticky_?! "Why are we on the floor?"

His head turned to the side while he groaned at the sudden mush his brain had turned into at the slight movement. "Twister, apparently," he whispered.

God, she was glad he wasn't talking too loud. Maybe that meant that he was sporting a hangover as bad as hers was. She focused on the odd feeling in her hand, bringing it closer to her face. "With whipped cream…"

"Sounds sexy," he chuckled. "Ugh, tell me you've got crackers or something… Burritos feel like a horrible idea now."

"I've got a huge tin of saltines," she whispered. "But I'm not going out there. Too much work."

"I'll get them."

"You're an angel."

Jackal smirked as Lucy slowly sat up, his barely opened eyes following her blonde hair as it lifted. He hadn't expected for a soft moan to spill past her lips though as her skin peeled away from his. "Um…"

"S-Sorry," she laughed, wiping a hand over her face and pushing her hair back. "My boobs are, um… sensitive."

"Your…" His golden eyes trailed down, widening when he saw that there wasn't a stitch of clothing covering her chest. And though he was loathe to admit it, he squeaked in alarm and his face turned an unnatural shade of red when he saw her too-perfect breasts. Her rosy nipples begged for his mouth to devour them, even more so when he realized there were barbells spearing through them.

"Oh my god," Lucy giggled. "Why are you wearing my period panties?"

"Your… wh-what?!" His head lifted and he gaped at the sight of a vampire printed on a pair of panties that he was wearing. Why the hell was he wearing panties?! "Oh what the…"

"Your boxers are cute though."

He turned to look at her again, gulping when she stood and turned toward him while staring down at the boxers she currently had on. His boxers. God she looked so good like that. Nothing covering her beautiful tits, her blonde hair a knotted mess and trailing down to her pinched waist, and then his ridiculous Pusheen cat boxers.

Lucy bit her lip while turning her attention back to the stunned man on her bedroom floor, and the growing arousal that was currently stretching out her panties the longer he stared at her body. "Jackal?"

"Y-Yeah?"

"Do me a favor."

"Uh-huh…"

"Take my panties off before your dick rips a hole in Dracula's face."

"Sur - wait, what?"

Lucy giggled and dropped to her knees again, ignoring the pounding in her head as her fingers gliding up his thighs that twitched beneath her hands. She bypassed his straining erection, though she did noticed the flushed tip sticking out of the top band of her underwear, and let her hands slide further up, onto his flat, chiseled stomach. She threw a leg over his to straddle him as her hands brushed across his nipples.

"U-Um… Wh-What are… Uh…" Jackal's golden eyes were wide, nearly horrified as Lucy smiled down at him and lowered herself until she sat in his lap and her breasts just barely brushed across his chest. He couldn't stop his breath from hitching when she pushed his hair away from his face and her nose brushed against his.

"Sorry if I've got hangover breath."

"I'm probably not much better," he whispered. He could taste alcohol and burritos… and peanut butter. It was pretty fucking gross, actually. Except, Lucy didn't seem to mind one bit as her tongue teased his lips into parting. And he sure as hell didn't care if her breath wasn't minty in the slightest when her teeth nipped at his tongue as it slid out to meet hers.

"I think we need a shower," Lucy rasped just before Jackal's hand fisted in her hair and pulled her forcefully down to finally crash their lips together.

His free hand slid along her side, taking in her soft skin as a quiet hum drifted down from the blonde in his lap. And just when his fingers curled around the edge of her breast, Jackal found her hips rolling against his and the soft fabric of his boxers brushing across the sensitive tip of his cock. "I need to get… your panties… off," he whimpered between kisses.

She felt heavenly, swirling her hips on top of him, pressing down on his aching cock and making it twitch to life from even the smallest bit of attention.

There was just one problem. Fucking _Cunt Dracula_ was constricting the bloodflow. "It's starting to… _fuck_ … hurt."

Lucy giggled and lifted her hips, pulling away from the kiss while Jackal's hands shot between them and he shimmied the underwear down his legs. The sheer relief on his face once he sprung free was a bit humorous. Until she looked down and saw his hand rubbing across his very _awake_ genitals, soothing the angry red line she noticed just under the head.

"God, that feels better," he hummed. She giggled again, and he smirked while looking up into her tired, lustful eyes. "This was _not_ how I planned on doing this."

"You had a plan to get naked with me?" she teased.

He nodded, his hands lifting to curl gently around her hips. "I was gonna ask you out, take you on at _least_ seven dates. And if it worked out, then I would've kissed you."

Lucy blinked slowly. "You wouldn't have kissed me before seven dates?"

"Nope."

"... Why?"

"Because I'm a long-haul kinda guy," he shrugged, wincing in embarrassment. He'd had enough short relationships that started with a whirlwind of lust and fucking for hours on end. And that shit had gotten old, really fast. The women never stuck around. Sometimes he realized that they just couldn't stand one another unless they were sweaty and banging each others brains out. And he just didn't want that anymore.

Lucy frowned and sat up, holding herself over him with her hands on either side of his head. "Long-haul?"

"Yeah," Jackal sighed. "I don't want to rush it and find out that I can't stand how you snore or something else."

"Well, I don't snore," she smirked.

He wasn't going to mention that she'd woken him up with her snoring. Not right then. Besides, he didn't really mind it all that much. She sounded kind of cute when she snored. "What I'm getting at is that I don't just wanna get laid, Lucy. I want to find someone that maybe I could see myself marrying."

Her eyes widened in shock.

"I'm not saying I want to marry you," he laughed. "Just that, if we were gonna do this, I don't want you to up and disappear and never think of me again."

"I'm not like that."

"But I don't know that about you," he reasoned. "We've hung out a little bit, I've seen you at my job, and I know you're super fucking cool as a friend." He smiled when she blushed. "And we've got some stuff in common, so that's why I considered asking you out on a date."

"Why didn't you?" she whispered.

"Because you were supposed to be busy writing last night," he chuckled. "I was gonna ask you when you came to the store today."

"So…"

"So," he grinned, smoothing his hands over her hips to clasp at the small of her back, "I'm gonna be super cheesy about it."

"How cheesy?"

"Sharp cheddar and Brie had a cheese baby." His smile widened when she laughed and slowly laid herself on top of him, their legs tangling together on the floor. "If I had a pen and paper, I'd give you the _Do you wanna go out with me_ check boxes."

"Oh my god," she giggled. "Sixth grade all over again."

"Exactly. So, will you be my girlfriend, Lucy?"

"He asks the sticky, topless woman wearing his boxers," she snickered. He simply shrugged, and she looked down into his golden eyes, then slowly nodded. "Yeah. I'll be your girlfriend, Jackal."

"Sweet."

Her head dropped to his shoulder and she laughed louder than before. "You're a total dork!"

"A dork with a cute girlfriend."

"Fine, but… you have to tell me something. As your _girlfriend_ , I feel I deserve to know."

"Shoot."

"What's the name on your birth certificate?" she asked with a smirk. "Jackal can't be your real name."

"Well, my _legal_ name is Jackal. I changed it when I turned eighteen to avoid people making fun of my name when they found out what it was. I've been called Jackal since I was five, so it wasn't too hard."

"Now I have to know what your name was."

"... Jiminy."

"Well, you're still welcome to shower with me," she snickered.

"Maybe that would be a good idea. I'm pretty sure we'll be fused together if we don't get clean soon."

"I thought my sexy conscience would agree," she teased.

"We're breaking up," he laughed. "It's a new record!"

"Oh, shut up," she smiled. Her hand slipped between them, trailing down his chest and stomach until she brushed through the coarse hairs above his softened member. "No more teasing you about your name, though. I promise."

"Mmm, thank you," he hummed, hissing through clenched teeth when her fingers drew slow circles around the base of his shaft.

Lucy leaned down and gently nibbled on his ear. "Say it for me one time, then I'll let it go."

"Wh-What?"

"When you wish upon a star," she rasped, grinning at the sharp gasp it pulled from him. How his fingers clutched at her lower back and pulled her closer.

His eyes widened as she slithered down his body, her lips and tongue burning across his flesh. "N-No wa - _Ohh, fuck_!" Jackal's head lifted to watch her plump lips surrounding him, pulling his hardening cock further into her fiery mouth. She twisted, the suction increasing as she started carefully bobbing her head to a slow, steady rhythm. And then she started humming that godforsaken song, letting him feel the vibrations pulsing through her lips and right into his loins. "Shit, Lucy…"

Her head lifted and she smiled up at him. "Say it." Lucy moaned as his fingers sifted through her hair and slowly eased her head back down.

"When you w-wish upon a… star," he moaned, dropping his head to the floor. "God, yes… Makes no - _Nghhhh_ \- difference who y-you… Oh, that's it… Suck it just like that… Ah, fuck..."

Lucy's gaze trailed over his quivering stomach and huffing chest, higher still to his parted lips, as he started carefully rolling his hips and thrusting into her mouth. He may have wanted to move slowly, and she was fine with slowing things down later on. But for the time being, Lucy was going to enjoy herself.

Jackal practically pounced when her head finally lifted from his lap, pushing her to the Twister mat and kissing and nipping at every inch of her lips and throat before finally settling at her breasts.

"Oh damn," she rasped, whimpering when his tongue slipped out and drew tight circles around her pierced nipple. "Be gentle with tho - J-Jackal! Yes!"

Based on his aroused moan as he slowly teased her, the hot length pressing against her thigh, and the sight of that damn can of whipped cream lifting from the floor, Lucy had a feeling he was just as fine with not taking things slow for at least a few minutes.

"Fuck that's still cold!" she giggled, staring at the twin swirls of pale cream on her nipples. Maybe more than a few minutes, if his devilish grin and the way he licked his lips was anything to go by. _'Good god, I'm in heaven!'_


End file.
